Caity Weaver and Rich Juzwiak, Gawker’s chief restaurant critics, recently ate, drank, and gasped their way through every international pavilion and theme park attraction at Walt Disney World’s Epcot. This is their review.
Rich: This is my vote for the most thrilling thing you can do at Epcot. If you’re willing to experience it as a “single rider,” you’re able to skip up to the front of the line, abandon your group (no offense, Caity, but I found the prospect of a random encounter to be reinvigorating), and then listen to strangers squeal as the centripetal force tickles their tummies while they zoom around a fake race track in a fake race car. In this case, my co-riders squealed in Italian.
Caity: I got placed with a tiny baby. He was MAYBE 4 years old, but somehow still tall enough to ride the ride. As an exceptionally tall 4-year-old myself, I had a similar experience at Space Mountain on my first Disney trip: I cried and screamed the whole time. In many ways, it ruined the vacation for me; I did not want to ride any more rides after that. I recall my parents having an argument about it after the fact. (It was my DAD’s idea to take me on the roller coaster he wanted to ride.) This little guy fared O.K., except that he screamed a single, sustained, high-pitched note the entire time.
I admit that there’s a lot to like about Test Track® Presented by Chevrolet®. You get to meet a baby and there is a brief but exhilarating actual roller coaster portion, which takes place outdoors. But there’s also a lot to hate about it. Much of the ride simply demonstrates what it might be like to negotiate poor driving conditions inside a Chevrolet® vehicle.
Rich: But that was exciting! Would rain cause us to skid off the road and crash into the neon-framed, Tron-inspired environment? Maybe! Would a giant truck end our lives right there and then in Epcot (“Sorry, ma’am, but at least your son died doing what he loved: riding Test Track® Presented by Chevrolet®”)? Perhaps!
Ride Report Card
Rich: The track whipped all around the dark environment, giving Test Track® Presented by Chevrolet® the feel of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, hold the toad (if you dare—he’s now a pancake because you just ran him over with your Chevrolet™). This one gets my A.
Caity: The moment when the cab of a big rig suddenly bursts forth out of the darkness and blares its horn at you, signaling your imminent death, was the scariest moment, for sure. If I die from a truck ramming into my state-of-the-art Chevrolet® and slicing my body in two, I hope, at the last possible second, a happy memory of Test Track® Presented by Chevrolet® flashes into my mind, so that I do not die in fear. I give this ride a B.
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Images via Rich Juzwiak and Caity Weaver.