Caity Weaver and Rich Juzwiak, Gawker’s chief restaurant critics, recently ate, drank, and gasped their way through every international pavilion and theme park attraction at Walt Disney World’s Epcot. This is their review.
Rich: After filling our stomachs with the jizz fizz and el pescado de Mexico, we headed straight to the space shuttle simulator Mission: SPACE, which is basically a Gravitron with individual screens that look out to space as you “travel” through it. Gary Sinise narrates it. Barf bags are within reach, as is just about everything else, since you have about two feet of space to sit in and are clamped down with a harness. It is a vomit factory and, worst of all, you are told at the beginning that if you start to feel sick you should not close your eyes. It’s all a big prank to see what your vomit looks like weightless.
Caity: I don’t know who Gary Sinise is, but one thing I do know is that I would make a fabulous astronaut, if my experiences on this attraction can be interpreted as roughly equivalent to years of specialized training. Disney makes a big deal about how the ride might make you feel sick once you start slingshotting around the moon, but by far the worst part for me was the 5 minutes we were delayed after being securely buckled into our cramped space pod, because (after being seated) some baby decided he or she was too scared to experience Mission: SPACE, after all. When I looked to my right and saw how close to me Rich was—and how close to Rich the wall was—a swell of panic rose up in my throat.
But since I’m a great astronaut and not a big BABY, I did not abandon the mission. Blasting off in the capsule was super fun, and piloting a spaceship is incredibly easy.
Rich: Just push buttons when Gary Sinese says to and he’ll love you to the moon and back, baby.
I really thought I was going to throw up Mexico all over the place during takeoff so I did close my eyes and you know what? Crisis averted. Nice try, Disney.
Caity: I was secretly a little disappointed no one threw up. Weak effort, Disney.
Ride Report Card
Rich: I give this ride a C. The most thrilling moment came just before I realized I was going to keep all of my food down. But that realization was ultimately disappointing, as I spent our entire time in Florida uncomfortably full.
Caity: I give it an A. There aren’t many exciting things you can do in Epcot. In fact, this is probably the only exciting thing. I wouldn’t say that it’s worth the trip for this ride alone, since the lines tend to be very long, but if you’re already at the park, it is literally the most fun thing you could possibly do. Sorry you made a bad decision by coming to this park.
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Images via Rich Juzwiak and Caity Weaver.